A few days ago, after a fairly large party, I felt that I was coming down with a cold that someone had brought as an uninvited guest. As a man with shit to do, I did not want this to bring me down any more than it had to, so I did the sensible thing, and did everything within my power to stop it before it could get any worse. A cold is one of the worst, most inconvenient things that could happen to me (it’s right up there with dying, although that’s impossible, so no… it isn’t) and there was no cold medication, nor any of the usual stuff that you take when you’re sick, so I improvised, and what I did worked better than any treatment I’ve ever done.
I’m going to start off by saying that this may not work for everybody, may only work if you start this in the early period of your illness, and may go against most of the things you mother told you to do when you’re sick. But I still think it’s worth a shot. You’re going to have to forget the staying in bed all day, the cold medication, the sweating out toxins by just laying there, and all the other crap you’re “supposed” to do. This virus needs to die, and fast. Stick with this unorthodox regimen, and you’ll be fine in 3 Days.
1. Don’t be lazy, and get out of bed
The main mistake that people make when they are sick is that they stay in bed all day, and expect that someone else do everything for them, including wiping their ass. This is a horrible plan. You’re letting the cold get the better of you. You show that jerk who owns your body, and stay active. A little relaxation is still good, and will be needed later in the day, but for now, get up and…
2. Eat a normal breakfast (or brunch if you get up late like I do)
When you get out of bed, you’re probably going to be hungry. Most people would tell you to have a bowl of soup. Well that’s fine, but soup isn’t very filling now is it? You’re going to need something to go with that soup, and I suggest you eat something with some good protein in it, like bacon and eggs, or some kind of sandwich if it’s closer to lunch time when you get up. This will actually give you some strength so that you can go about a normal day.
3. Take your vitamins
This is something very important. Remember, we’re not taking any of that cold medication that you usually do. That’s just going to keep you drowsy and in bed. You need strength, so take your normal multi-vitamin, a vitamin C, and B12 tablets. If you have none, go get them ASAP and take them.
4. Make some tea, also ginger is important too
Pretty much any tea will do you good. This stuff works wonders, and will help flush your system. If you have none, again, go get it ASAP. Another great drink you’re going to want is Ginger Ale. I understand that many people don’t just have that laying around, so It’s another thing to add to your shopping list for the day. Both the ginger, and the carbonation are going to help your sore throat. Another great thing would be to make ginger tea. You can get straight ginger root from your local herb shop. (I make a blend of green tea with ginger, and honey. It’s pretty good.) If you can’t find it then just mix the ginger ale with your tea.
5. Hock out all the mucus you can
This is one of those things that your mother told you not to ever do. Why? She just didn’t want to hear it. But if you’re older, and don’t live with your mom then just get that fucking mucus out of there. The mucus only causing you problems getting through your day, even though it’s supposed to helping with the expulsion of the virus. So when it starts to build up in your throat, just spit it out. It’s the same shit that’s coming out of your nose anyway.
6. Business as usual
This cold should not be getting the better of you, and by now aside from a slight sore throat, and stuffy nose you should be feeling pretty good. Just keep drinking that tea, or ginger ale, blowing your nose, and hocking loogies. Your daily routines should not come to an end. Get to work, and do what ever it is that you do unless it is too strenuous (EX: construction, or other physical labor). Either way, you need to keep active. Maybe exercise a little, or go for a little jog. Whatever you decide to do just keep active, but not TOO active.
7. Relax a little
You can’t keep moving all day. Just as doing business as usual, you still need rest no matter how you feel. Just chill out, watch some TV, or a movie, or hang with friends with good immune systems.
8. Have a beer
This may be the most unorthodox part of the routine, but just do it. You know you want one anyway. It’s the end of the day now, and you have nothing else to do. You may even want to put a little whiskey in your tea if you can. The alcohol might just help you out. I don’t know how it helps with colds, but it really does. Trust me, I tried it, got a little drunk, and I felt really good for the rest of the night. Some have said that they have drank themselves stupid after having a cold for a while, and were feeling great the next day. Just don’t get so drunk that you’re going to be hung over, and you’ll be fine.
9. Get a good night’s sleep
At this point the only thing that is going to help you is a good night’s sleep. Get your eight hours in, and…
10. Repeat
In three days time of doing this, you should be feeling back to you’re 100%. Repeat these steps until you’re better. You might feel better even sooner. Who knows?
I was only able to follow all of these steps for a couple nights, so I’d say I’m currently at my 95%. The day is only half over though, and all I have left is a very minor sore throat. It would technically be day 4, but again, I didn’t follow these steps fully, and was still able to get better. So take my advice, and if you’re sick give it a try. If you feel it’s not working then do what you think is right for you, or better yet, alter these steps. Everybody is different, so do what you can to get well.
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